Monday, December 26, 2011

Happy New Year.

It's been about a year.
It's been about 365 days since I chopped off my locks and buzzed my skull bare.
It's been about a year since I made one of the best decisions of my life.
It's been about a year of mainly ups, some downs and a whole lot of "what the fuck is going on right now?"
It's been beautiful.

When I first decided to shave my head I had written a very heartfelt post.
Full of excitement, nerves and curiosity,
I received both positive and negative feedback.
All from anonymous commentators, of course.
I remember my heart breaking a little from hearing some of the ignorant statements made by the masked peanut gallery.
But, when I reminded myself why I wanted to venture down this path of vulnerability,
all that insecurity settled and I finally went forth with my decision.

After that post I never mentioned anything else about my hair.
I wanted to take in my experience completely, before I shared it with anyone.
And the experience, to say the least, has changed me forever.

just like I approached shaving my head,
I still believe "it's just hair".
But, one of the many things I learned about being bald, was that it is also actually so much more.

The looks you get,
both from people who honor your decision and those who go out of their way to despise it,
I learned to love my face, my body, my soul.
Cause I could see it.
Cause I had nothing to hide behind.
Cause every morning I had to look in the mirror and accept that I am beautiful,
take a breathe,
hold my head up hi and go on with my day.
There were no time for insecurities.
It made all the bullshit fade away.
All the things that needed to be clear came to light.

I convinced myself I'd never grow it out.
I really thought I wouldn't.
The hassle-free,
compliment friendly,
easy -to- do,
hair statement made it easy to love.

But for the new year, I've decided to grow out my locks.
And just like I was scared to shave it all,
I'm just as scared to grow it out.
And just like there were a million and one reasons for shaving it,
I have a million and one for growing it out.
And just like I learned to love every little a part of me in the last year,
I'm excited to learn how to love even more.

Dear shaved head,
I love you.
thank you for making me feel pretty.