Monday, July 5, 2010

Keratin boost.

Growing up, I had long flowing hair down to my bum.
You know, the kind of hair that is so long it's no longer hair, it's just dead skin cells.
My mother was fascinated by it.
It would be her worse nightmare to witness anything happen to mine or my sisters hair.
So, of course, we cut it off.
My mother lost a piece of herself those two separate occasions, but me, on the other hand, I felt more rejuvenated than ever.
I felt free.

The annual haircutting stage came every year after that.
I'd let my hair grow out as long as it could get, then chop it off right before summer.
It's been a while since I've last cut my hair, about a little over two years.
I've been letting it do its wild mane like circus on top of my scalp, but this time when I go short, I plan on going really short.
Very short.
Practically bald, short.
I'm dying to shave my head.

I've been boasting about this deep desire for a while now, and it really pains me to see the reaction in peoples faces when I say so.
My announcement is always accompanied with; "why?" or "but you have such beautiful hair".
One particular person in my life, has even gone so far as saying that shaving my head would be the "worst decision" I would ever make in my life.
Shaving my head.
Worst decision.
In my life.
starting up an addiction to Crystal meth,
joining a gang,
murdering a family....
but shaving my head?

I guess I get it?
Being a woman, we are supposed to be obsessed and defined by our natural accessories.
Big Breasts.
Long Legs.
Perfectly trimmed waistlines.
Long flowing hair.
This is what makes us women.
This is what defines us.
Not our natural ability to bear children,
or our intelligence and wit
and common understanding,
but the accessories.
The easy, breezy. beautiful things.
Yeah, sorry.
Just puked a little bit in my mouth.

It's hair people!!
Dead cells.
A collection of the protein Keratin to be exact.
A reminder of the past decisions you've been making since you last cut those locks.

I could give a million and one reasons as to why I want to shave my head.
First and foremost,
I'm doing it for myself.
Because I want to.
Because there's a part of me that feels like I need to.
Because I've caught myself hanging on to my hair for dear life, using it as a shield and a way to protect myself from all the crazies out there.
Because there's nothing more frightening and exhilarating than knowing I'm going to be staring right into my eyes for 5 months giving me no choice but to fall in love with myself all over again.

I'm not sure when this grand decision will come, but it will.
And when it does, nothing will feel better than feeling that dead weight get lifted off my shoulders.
It will by my decision.
My choice.
My movement.
For me, to me.
Plain old me.
In the flesh,
and beautiful.


  1. "she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing."

  2. Any guy asking a girl to shave her head must mean he does like a women!

  3. You are such a beautiful women, why would you want to shave your head. There is nothing wrong with physical beauty.

  4. Are you upset with somebody?

  5. Some women shave their head because it is in their culture and they accept it. I guess if you do it in the USA it usually is to get attention.

  6. I am so tired of the abnormality that is going on in the world. What happen to down to earth! I am one of those that can't see the beauty in everything!. I am realistic, I see beauty, I see ugliness and some people pretend ugliness is not there.

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  8. SHAVE YOUR FUCKING HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do it!!!!

  9. First of all, some of you ANONYMOUS commenters don't know how to properly conjugate the word "WOMAN"

    woMAN- meaning ONE woman

    and woMEN- meaning several of them. UGH!

    Sorry, but learn how to spell.

    Aside from that... NO, nothing is wrong with a woMAN when she wants to cut her hair off. It doesn't make her an angry person and it doesn't mean she's on her period or PMSing or whatever the F*** else. Have you ever carried around long hair for extended periods of time? It's annoying after like 5 mins. Wearing a simple wig will remind you how uncomfortable hair can be. It takes forever to manage it, wash it, dress it, do it, part it, brush it etc... A poor girl wastes so much time AND MONEY in her life trying to make her hair look nice so that a MAN can like it. Quite frankly, she's probably over it, and a beautiful face wont change regardless of whether or not there is hair attached. I mean, really, have you NOT seen Natalya? She's kinda gorge. She has no reason to seek attention.

    ALSO, what harm is it REALLY gonna cause anyone for her to cut her hair off. If anything, it can be donated, and will used for a good cause to help some other woMAN with cancer have a nice head of hair... SHOULD SHE DECIDE to have a head of hair.

    woMEN are not defined by their hair, makeup, or stilettos, but rather, their anatomy and ability to reproduce.

    So all in all, what I THINK she is trying to say is... GET THE F*** OVER IT!!!

  10. i'll have to dig up that photo for you.xocarrie

  11. Do it. Do it. Do it. (Starts a chant.)

    These anonymous kids are killin' me.

    Love you.

    All the way from Seattle.

  12. You should do it! (not much of a poster on blogs, but since i just went thru the process i HAD to comment)

    I'd wanted to cut my hair off all through college and finally did it when i graduated. At first, it was about mustering up some "courage" (afraid of how it might turn out... too invested in the superficial i suppose) but then i indulged myself. Yes, indulged. It felt good to cut it all off!

    I was taken aback by the comments of beauty and femininity as well, but, since when did i give a hoot? And furthermore, it wasn't going to change ME.

    Anyway.. (starting to ramble)

    Yay! Do it! And fall in love with yourself/love yourself even more so! Take off those blinds and let yourself out!