Friday, June 4, 2010


Everyone has their off days.
I try my hardest to remain as secure as possible in myself, but some days I really do just feel like caca-doodle-doo doo.

A few weeks ago, as I was trying on a pair of pants, I had one of those off days.
Everything was bothering me about myself.
I was being disgusting.
Over analyzing every little inch on my body.
Crucifying myself out of self hate.

My main concern; cellulite.

In all honesty, I love it.
I love it because it's a part of being a woman.
And I love being a woman.
I love it because it's taken lots of strength to learn to love something I'm supposed to hate.
I love it because, honestly, it would just be a waste of time to hate it.
I don't turn twice when I see other women and their cellulite.
Doesn't bother me one bit.
It's a part of life!
But of course, on this particular day, I was acting as if I had disease.
That my cellulite was actually a skin eating virus, threatening my life line.
Oh God.
Boo Hoo.

I was 15 when I first saw those adorable dimples and I remember thinking I was an alien for having them.
I never noticed it on my friends or anyone around me, probably because I was too innocent to care, so I thought there must have been something wrong with me.
Magazines didn't help.
I read a slew of teen magazines, and all the models were baby bottom smooth, tanned from all their volleyball excursions and pimple free.
None of them really had to deal with those awkward phases that everyone else in the "real world" was going through.
Including cellulite.
Miss Teen 99' definitely did not have cellulite.

I became a bit obsessive.
Scouting women from every corner for cellulite.
Trying to prove to myself that I wasn't an alien.
I wasn't.
Everyone had it.
My friends, my family, the gorgeous Armenian girl down the street, me.
So why did I care so much?

So there I was, two weeks ago, many years later, in the midst of an off day.
Natalya vs. her cellulite.
A battle to the death.
I stood there tearing myself apart.
I'm talking tears, people!
I was being RIDICULOUS!

As I bent over to grab my purse, I saw a sign that read;
"Love your body just as it is. Each other just as we are".
A campaign by NOW against the unrealistic images of women in the media.

It was a sign, all right.
A slap in the face.
A "get the fuck over yourself and go buy an ice cream".

I took a breath, controlled my raging emotions, and smiled.

Everyday, I see billboards disguising messages of self hate with creams, pills and injections.
"You can look like this if you take 12 capsules a day".
"Just apply to your face 10 times an hour for miraculous results"
"An injection straight through the eyelid will make you happy about yourself"

Rarely do I read a billboard that just says; "love yourself".

All that hate is so damn tiring.
I can't have it anymore.
I can't waste my life trying to be "perfect" for people who aren't even "perfect".
Wasting my time hoping to become something, I never was in the first place.

It's easy to hate.
It's even easier to hate yourself.
To love is harder.
More of a challenge.
More important.

I love a challenge.
I love myself.
I love myself for who I am, and what I have.

And that's really all there is to it.

For more information on NOW and other organizations similar to their cause visit

*photo via
*photo via


  1. You have to love yourself before you can love anybody else! Women come in all shapes and sizes. What counts is what is inside. The soul, the spirit, the personality, the character. Always remember those magazine females are edited by computers, when you see the models in person they are just like all of us. : )

  2. So I haven't commented on this thing cause I don't know how. So I'm testing this

  3. I love you!

    You are doing an amazing job and you're representing the true powers of positive womanhood! Thank you for doing what you're doing. I just started to love my cellulite a little more.

  4. The picture is lovely. Very nice butt, and I love a women with cellulite on her butt. It's like icing on a cake

  5. I leave something on it after 5 minutes